Lately

I've been trying to be on a vegetarian diet for about a month and it hasn't been going that well. Finding alternatives for meat in my house is like searching for Narnia sometimes. Considering that when we have peanut butter, eggs and milk in my home, they tend to get consumed quickly. Now since protein is very essential for a person, my body starting feeling sluggish and weak. I have tried time and time again to eat lately and its been kinda hard. Considering my lack of protein, my stomach is having a hard time digesting. So pretty much the easiest thing for me to consume is anything liquid at the moment. Don't get me wrong, I try to eat solid foods, its just a bit hard because it makes my stomach hurt and I want to stop eating. I do have to say that I have lost some weight. Even though I wish I would have lost it in a healthier way. At my heaviest, I was 180 pounds. I am somewhat proud to say that I have dropped between 167-170. It's actually kinda noticeable because its mostly been in my waist and my face.

If you're reading this and thinking, "Man, why does she keep doing on and on about this?" Just remember, you're the one who's reading it. No one is forcing you.

More bitching time. I've noticed lately that whenever I say something that's on my mind, Some people like to get pissy and mad at me for either stating the truth or whatever was on my mind. And it's getting annoying. If you're gonna be pissed at me for saying that something happened, why don't you just suck it up and accept it, instead of making me look like the bad guy? I mean really? What are you? A child? Lots of question marks wooooooo~~

Eh now I'm just typing just to type, I'm bored and it's 12:11 A.M. I have nothing better to do and I haven't really written anything on here for a while. La lalalala. I'm excited for school. My financial aid finally went through and it's only a matter of time until I get my dorm and start in October. And the coolest part is that a family friend has a sister who is a professional makeup artist. So I may or may not learn some tools of the trade from her. Here is her web site Sarah Lucero. Well, thanks for reading :)

Stuck

Time to bitch again. I feel stuck. Like there is a giant pile of goo under and around my feet. There are so many things that I want to do but they feel so far away. The little voice in my head keeps telling me that I can't do anything. Keep wishing. And I keep believing it. I want to do stuff. Like school, photography, making clothes for myself, re-do my room. Ever since Andrew passed. Everything seems to be standing still. I feel like I can't talk to anyone or let anyone in my circle. I love my friends to death. But...I feel like I would be annoying talking about the same thing over and over again. So I bottle it up and put on a happy face. I want to tell my friend's how I feel but I start to choke and tears well up. And I just can't say it. That voice tells me that I would start losing them too. And I'm scared. I feel so lonely and broken by Andrew's death that I can't even be myself anymore. I try. I try so hard to smile and be happy, but when I am alone, the bad feelings come back and start tearing me to shreds again. I feel pathetic just writing this. But it's the truth. I have issues. Big issues. I want help. To whoever is willing to help me.

Joe is back.

Today was the first day I saw Joe since he was deployed 6+ months. It's nice having him back. The stories, the parties. I worry about him sometimes though.War is hard on a person already. I can't imagine what he is going through. I'm gonna be honest. I'm really drunk.My head hurts and I want to sleep.

More Sleep

As most of you know, I haven't been sleeping very much. Last night I asked my friend to help order some indica. And let me tell you, It hit me HARD. 

Needless to say it knocked my ass out until I woke up at 12:30 this afternoon. Hopefully if I take an even smaller dose tonight, I won't be passed out for 13 hours again.

Ranting

I have come to realize that I haven't been bitching as much as I should on this blog. Considering it's called "Pipa's Rants" I should start ranting some more. Ok. I'll bitch about something.

My friend Taco does this thing called the "special lover" He uses the "R" word but I'm not putting that up on here. He does it in order to piss me off and it does. There are times when I just want to bite him so hard he bleeds. And I don't know why it bugs me. It just does. The rage starts to fill up and I resist the urge to kick him down and maul him.

School

Around September or October  of this year I am going to go to a college called Elegance International. I will be learning how to do many forms of makeup artistry. I'm super excited because I want my main profession to be special effect and prosthetics along with high fashion makeup and film. I'm going to finally full fill my dream of being a professional makeup artist. And finally figuring this out has made me fell more artistic and confident in myself. It's really empowering because I'm starting to feel like I'm doing something with my life. I owe it to myself and my late boyfriend. I'm sure he would be proud of me too. I miss and love you Andrew.
     I have to say that school will be good for me. I know I'm going to do well and succeed in my field. So,wish me luck as I learn make up,

Baking

Lately I've been in the mood for cooking. It might be due to the fact that I'm trying to be a vegetarian, or the fact that I keep finding these more than orgasmic looking recipes on Food Gawker. However, the first recipe I tried to make made me so frustrated that I nearly threw all of my hard work into the sink. It was miserable. I had been messing up on this recipe right from the beginning when I forgot to put the milk in with the crepe mixture. Then I didn't have a big enough pan to cook them in. So, with eggy crepes that were thick and small, I thought that assembling the whole thing would be easy. No. It had to mock me some more. And the heat wasn't any help. I started to get a throbbing headache and started to over heat so bad I was getting dizzy. Fuck.Summer. Anyway. As I tried to assemble this breakfast for dinner mockery, it didn't want to fold over. Because the damn eggy crepes were too small. I went to find tooth picks. None found. I did manage to find these long tooth pick like sticks; however, the crepes were delicate and kept ripping. I was mad. I was so mad all I could see was rage for this dish. I wanted to throw it away or even stab it.

And even then this picture doesn't even reflect that hate I had for these crepe things. But. after throwing them in the oven and shoving my head in the freezer, they turned out pretty tasty. I can assure you though, I am NEVER making them again.

Describing people.

So lately I've been looking at people and describing them in my head. The usual gets lumped together like the "Bitch who expects everything handed to her." the "Douchebag guy who always wears brand name long sleeveless shirts and dickies shorts." and my favorite, "That one bitch who is rude to everyone." I like to find these people and just watch them because in my experience, they have all acted the same towards me. A giant ball of attitude. And, don't start trollin' saying that I'm being mean because we all know it's true. There are these people out there who all act the same. However, there are the times when we make that mistake of grouping them together, because well, they have much different lives than we think they would.

This is why I tend to surround myself with people that get what I am talking about, because they have had the same experience. Like during high school and all the bro hoes would wear pants 2 sizes too small and let their jelly rolls hang out. Along with caked on makeup and bleached hair on top and black hair on bottom. I must say that douchbags and bro's do look similar. I must say though, some...fuck. i can't think anymore. I'm just gonna leave on the note that bitches be crazy.

Kyle.

My friend Kyle. Let's just say the first time I met him he looked like a mixture between Justin Beiber and Zac Effron. I've known him for a little over a year now and there have been sometimes when I have questioned his manlihood. I think the best part came when he visited me when I was in North Carolina. My grandfather even thought he was gay xD.
A time came when Kyle had told me that his mother said she would give him $50 dollars if she could cut his hair like Edward's from Twilight. He looked like him. And still does.

So now, every time I draw him, I'm going to especially make him look like a glittery fool!

More Random Pictures

So today has been pretty uneventful. Nothing is really happening and everyone is busy. So being who I usually am, I decided it was picture time.

I have really baggy eyes...

Winston Churchill

"You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life."
                                                                                                                - Winston Churchill
A wise quote. I have to say, that this quote kinda pulled me out of my funk a bit. I just need to remember this. Because it's true. I need to start standing up for myself and Keep trying harder. Thank you Mr. Churchill.

Here are some more quotes from prime minister Churchill to help you too.

"Success is going from failure to failure without a loss of enthusiasm."

"To improve is to change. To be perfect is to change often."

"Never give in — never, never, never, never, in nothing great or small, large or petty, never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense. Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy."

"I have taken more good from alcohol than alcohol has taken from me."

All quotes from Winston Churchill

Stress.

Lately I've been feeling like the world has been putting so much pressure on me. I know it's not but my brain keeps overworking itself and makes me think that I have nothing to strive for. I'm stuck. And it's really starting to take a toll on me. My eating habits aren't that great, if anything have gotten worse. Sleeping feels useless now. I always wake up feeling tired and not wanting to wake up. I want to know what's going on with me. I realize that bitching about it won't make it any better, but I need to let it out. I want to talk to someone but I am afraid that they'll judge me or yell at me. My world is starting to get unstable and so is my body. I start to stress out and over think things so much that it makes me sick. I just want to cry and hope that someone could atleast understand what I'm going through. It's becoming torture.

The difference is

Have you ever been hungry but can't eat? Like, it makes you wanna up chuck it again? I think I am having one of those times again. It sucks because most people think that I am turning anorexic. And I'm not. Ever since my late boyfriend passed, I haven't been eating or sleeping well. It's really starting to piss me off. Because when I wake up in the mornings, it feels like someone is ripping open my stomach.
I'm happy my grandma taught me a trick. she said. "Whenever you wake up, even if you can't eat, at least drink a cup of milk. It'll help you eat." And she's right. The pain goes away and then I kinda wanna eat something. But of course I instantly get no appetite or get so busy i forget to eat.
If anyone has the same experience, leave a comment and we can figure out a way to help ourselves. Cause frankly, its pissing me off.

medication

i was givin a pill called i forgotjust just tell susan the brat.keep everythimg  from restrainingmy arms.  bed //times//..Ok yeah i am a little off

Winning

Or so that's what my friend's are telling me. Kinda reminds me of Charlie Sheen. Even though I have no idea what HE'S winning.

 

But I guess I can understand. Things have been going pretty well for me lately. I got a car, computer, vacations, school, no more roommate. bigger room. So far it's been awesome. Yet they add a certain person to the mix as well and say that I am winning against her. So, I guess Mr. Charlie Sheen and I have something in common. WINNING

Snuggles.

Snuuuuuggles. Cuuuudddles. Nuuuuuuzzles. Ferret. Those are some of his favorite phrases. So here's a comic of it.

Other Bunnie

So I have a friend named Eric who I have known since my sophomore year of high school. Now, at first we really didn't talk or hang out. This started to change when I went to his birthday party. (His birthday is 2 days after mine) We played some video games and played around. Then some one poked him. My life changed forever. You see, Eric is incredibly ticklish, and it just so happens that I am a complete sadistic bitch. It was on. Every time he turned around or wasn't paying attention, I attacked. He would squeak and that made it much more fun.

We began our Jr. year of high school and we still hung out with our usual group of friends. During this time he would wear this raggy old sweatshirt. Every day, even if it was 110 degrees out side.

So, when the rare occasion he DID take off that sweater, I would steal it and put it on. That wasn't the weird part. I had decided to switch my identity and called myself "Erica". Being the smarty he is, he took the jacket I was wearing and put it on, claiming to be "Terry". That's where our new persona's came to be.
 Since that day, we have become best friends. He knows my secrets and knows how to treat me when I am sad, because let me tell you, I hide everything. He knows how to open me up. He's that friend that you can see yourself dating. And it makes me smile.

Ferret and Alyssa

I have a best friend couple. My friend's Ferret and Alyssa started dating on valentines day. Now, on Alyssa's birthday, Whitney decided to c-block her. Let's just say Alyssa was a little more than pissed because she didn't get birthday sex.

 

And you know, I totally understood how Alyssa felt because Whitney would do the same to me.  It was ridiculous. All we wanted was to spend time with our sigfig and she blew it. She bleeew eeeet. Anyway back to the subject. Alyssa decided to "condition" Ferret after finding out that if you were touching him, and you twitched, he would twitch too. So, everytime she said "Twitch" she would have her hand on him and yell it, so that way when she yelled it, he would twitch with out her touching him.

It's kinda sad sometimes but I still laugh. They are the best couple I have ever hung out with. Especially the days when they would make out on top of Whitney. 

So on days that the two aren't together, Either one comes into my room and we chill. This is how it usually happens:

You never know how good friends can be until they date. Bonds tend to feel stronger.

P.s. Alyssa LOVES boobs.

The heat

Lately it's been getting pretty hot here in SD. And I hate the heat. It makes me feel weak and sick. I have a method of keeping my room cold but I don't wake up at the right time in order to do so. What I do is let the cold air blow in at night and around five I close my windows and blinds so that it stays dark and cool. Then I set my fan on the ground and keep it on in order for the cool air to circulate. However I have been waking up at 12:00 and later. So now when I wake up I have a throbbing headache, I feel sick, and jump right into a cold show.

Lemme tell you it sucks ASS. This happens pretty much every time I wake up and it's torture. And for those who understand what I am talking about and have gone through it, water right when you wake up and put your head in the freezer. Feels sooo damn good. I can't stand the heat. At least with the cold, I can pile blankets on me.

Germany

I was talking to my aunt and she slyly slipped the word "Passport" into our conversation. Being confused and the normal paranoid side of me shows up. Why a passport? Are the gonna leave me in a distant country >.o. So of course I asked her why. She said that they are coming back around December and wanted to take me somewhere to hang out with them. I decided to finally ask where we were going. She said Germany. Friggin Germany. My head exploded from excitement.

I'm excited now. Things have been going pretty good lately. I got invited to Germany, I'm going to a school where I'm going to learn how to do special effects makeup, I got a vehicle, My roommate moved out. Life is going good I have to say.

visions

I have found a genre of music recently that I really like and it's country/folk/indie. And I think I'm starting to get into indie rock. The melodies are just so pretty and the way the people sings paints a picture of my head. Just scenes  of fall near the parks or woods where its just orange and yellow and red and green. It's like it fills my soul with contentment. I'm so relaxed. The melodies just swarm together as if it was wrapping me in this cloud of music. It flows so naturally. I'm a little nervous because I have always stuck to my be different attitude. But this feeling of....beauty makes me want to be more ambitious and do the things I'm not doing. The art I wish to reach but not knowing how, It's captivating.

I want to dance. I want a room to dance in while listening to it.
I want to paint what I am seeing in my mind.
I want people to understand what I am feeling.

It's dragging me to it. At least it feels like it is. But. I feel like everything is gonna be ok. It'll be ok. *big inhale* maybe I should take up meditation. and become a vegetarian.

Pictures

You know those days when you are so bored time stands still? yeah. It's a b***h. So here are some pictures to help show you why I should never have a camera when I am bored.

                 Yeah, I'll take a Skitzo with a shot of Murderous rage

                Looks like Popeyes momma is looking to beat someone.

                          Now let's see, How can I thwart you today?

                              Suddenly I'm a blowfish...fantastic.

Ah fun times with cameras

My friend Ferret

when I was 16, I met a boy named J. He was dating my friend Whitney at the time and came to our birthday. This was the same time I had met my late boyfriend. (we had the same birthday). When I first saw him, I thought he was gay. He had a cute little face, curly sandy blonde hair, and a girlish demeanor. It was a while before he and I started hanging out. But by our senior year we had begun our awesome friendship. We've had some adventures together. Pretty fun times actually

He now goes by the name Ferret. He looooooooves ferrets and occasionally wears a ferret tail. This guy has to be one of the best people I know. His stories are so magical I drool rainbows.

And what makes it better is that Ferret...smokes :) So much. And it's fun to hang out with him when he is high. Why, even right now we are sitting next to each other playing on our laptops having a conversation containing the following words: Bunny, Ferret.

ahhh. Happy days with good friends. Ferret and Pot

Sleep

Insomnia. It gets the best of us. But there are days where it just totally kicks my ass and reaks havoc upon my squishy brain.

 

Now, it doesn't mean I don't try. I do. A lot. I turn off everything and lay down and shut my eyes. Time crawls like a snail. Each minute that passed by felt like eternity. So then I look at my clock and realize that only 15 minutes had gone by. So then I start off by reading a bit. If that doesn't work, then tv. But dear god. Put my back on the lap top, I wouldn't even notice that 3 hours have gone by. The internet is a beautiful and evil place.

But that's why I have my fellow internet junkies :D Read on my friends!!

I forgot

You know those times when you walk into a room and completely forget what you went in there for? I have those waaaay too much.

I'll be think of the item so much that 2 seconds before I reach said room, I completely forget about EVERYTHING.

Then two hours pass by and I finally remember what I was looking for.

Room Mates

Recently I have kicked out a room mate. She was a friend that had begun living with me in august of last year. Now, since then till a few days ago, I rarely got alone time in my room. She was always around. After my boyfriend passed away in may, it suddenly got worse for me. I was agitated about how she always compared our lives because she always made her's seem like she lived in hell. The worst thing that has happened is that her father passed away when she was 11. Which I understand completely. It's painful. But she brings it up ALL THE TIME. That's all.

                AHH! lemme tell you. Roommates could possibly be the worst thing in the world. Especially if they're your friend. Once you live with a friend, it ends. You get so sick of that person being around you all the time that it makes your brain explode. Whether it be their messy habits or who they bring home. And I must say that if you somehow share a bed with them, and its your bed, it's gonna piss you off when you find said people doing "things" in your bed, under your blankets and on your pillows. No matter how many times I caught her and her boo thang trying to go at it on my bed, they never respected me enough to stop. What I should have done was get a squirt bottle and spray them each time I walked in. Hahahahaa!! How fun that would've been.

Now, when they lock you out of your room, that's when all hell breaks loose. I threw a fit. I was sick and tired of her throwing her out of MY room and using MY bed to try and get it on. So I started locking her out all night and spent some well deserved time with my late boyfriend. Then she got pissed. So I told her to suck it. Few months later her and her "thang" broke up.

I guess to some this bitching up, whatever you do, do NOT let your friends live with you. You may love them and have the bestest friendship ever. It doesn't matter. You will begin to hate each other, forever.

                                                                With love, Pipa

Pilot

Well. This is the first time I am writing on a blog and have no idea what I am doing. All I can say is that I'm getting sick of not being able to sleep at night *insert crabby teen face here*. However there are sometimes benefits. Such as sleeping in till noon and everyone being gone. Personally I like to take a shower and roam the house nekkid. (btw, I'm gonna be posting pictures here too) It's somehow liberating being able to stand nude in a house where 4-5 other people live. But then again when the time comes and someone comes home, it's a mad dash to my room.

Now, I know that my sentence structures aren't the best. Suck it up. Nobody is perfect, so don't think you are ya little trolls. It's been about 4 days since I haven't been able to sleep at night. That's where the internet kicks in. Then I get absorbed into the cute kitties and messed up images. So now I dunno what else to write. I'll be sure to post more if any of you fellow internet junkies happen to read my updates.