Stuck

Time to bitch again. I feel stuck. Like there is a giant pile of goo under and around my feet. There are so many things that I want to do but they feel so far away. The little voice in my head keeps telling me that I can't do anything. Keep wishing. And I keep believing it. I want to do stuff. Like school, photography, making clothes for myself, re-do my room. Ever since Andrew passed. Everything seems to be standing still. I feel like I can't talk to anyone or let anyone in my circle. I love my friends to death. But...I feel like I would be annoying talking about the same thing over and over again. So I bottle it up and put on a happy face. I want to tell my friend's how I feel but I start to choke and tears well up. And I just can't say it. That voice tells me that I would start losing them too. And I'm scared. I feel so lonely and broken by Andrew's death that I can't even be myself anymore. I try. I try so hard to smile and be happy, but when I am alone, the bad feelings come back and start tearing me to shreds again. I feel pathetic just writing this. But it's the truth. I have issues. Big issues. I want help. To whoever is willing to help me.

Joe is back.

Today was the first day I saw Joe since he was deployed 6+ months. It's nice having him back. The stories, the parties. I worry about him sometimes though.War is hard on a person already. I can't imagine what he is going through. I'm gonna be honest. I'm really drunk.My head hurts and I want to sleep.

More Sleep

As most of you know, I haven't been sleeping very much. Last night I asked my friend to help order some indica. And let me tell you, It hit me HARD. 

Needless to say it knocked my ass out until I woke up at 12:30 this afternoon. Hopefully if I take an even smaller dose tonight, I won't be passed out for 13 hours again.

Ranting

I have come to realize that I haven't been bitching as much as I should on this blog. Considering it's called "Pipa's Rants" I should start ranting some more. Ok. I'll bitch about something.

My friend Taco does this thing called the "special lover" He uses the "R" word but I'm not putting that up on here. He does it in order to piss me off and it does. There are times when I just want to bite him so hard he bleeds. And I don't know why it bugs me. It just does. The rage starts to fill up and I resist the urge to kick him down and maul him.

School

Around September or October  of this year I am going to go to a college called Elegance International. I will be learning how to do many forms of makeup artistry. I'm super excited because I want my main profession to be special effect and prosthetics along with high fashion makeup and film. I'm going to finally full fill my dream of being a professional makeup artist. And finally figuring this out has made me fell more artistic and confident in myself. It's really empowering because I'm starting to feel like I'm doing something with my life. I owe it to myself and my late boyfriend. I'm sure he would be proud of me too. I miss and love you Andrew.
     I have to say that school will be good for me. I know I'm going to do well and succeed in my field. So,wish me luck as I learn make up,

Baking

Lately I've been in the mood for cooking. It might be due to the fact that I'm trying to be a vegetarian, or the fact that I keep finding these more than orgasmic looking recipes on Food Gawker. However, the first recipe I tried to make made me so frustrated that I nearly threw all of my hard work into the sink. It was miserable. I had been messing up on this recipe right from the beginning when I forgot to put the milk in with the crepe mixture. Then I didn't have a big enough pan to cook them in. So, with eggy crepes that were thick and small, I thought that assembling the whole thing would be easy. No. It had to mock me some more. And the heat wasn't any help. I started to get a throbbing headache and started to over heat so bad I was getting dizzy. Fuck.Summer. Anyway. As I tried to assemble this breakfast for dinner mockery, it didn't want to fold over. Because the damn eggy crepes were too small. I went to find tooth picks. None found. I did manage to find these long tooth pick like sticks; however, the crepes were delicate and kept ripping. I was mad. I was so mad all I could see was rage for this dish. I wanted to throw it away or even stab it.

And even then this picture doesn't even reflect that hate I had for these crepe things. But. after throwing them in the oven and shoving my head in the freezer, they turned out pretty tasty. I can assure you though, I am NEVER making them again.

Describing people.

So lately I've been looking at people and describing them in my head. The usual gets lumped together like the "Bitch who expects everything handed to her." the "Douchebag guy who always wears brand name long sleeveless shirts and dickies shorts." and my favorite, "That one bitch who is rude to everyone." I like to find these people and just watch them because in my experience, they have all acted the same towards me. A giant ball of attitude. And, don't start trollin' saying that I'm being mean because we all know it's true. There are these people out there who all act the same. However, there are the times when we make that mistake of grouping them together, because well, they have much different lives than we think they would.

This is why I tend to surround myself with people that get what I am talking about, because they have had the same experience. Like during high school and all the bro hoes would wear pants 2 sizes too small and let their jelly rolls hang out. Along with caked on makeup and bleached hair on top and black hair on bottom. I must say that douchbags and bro's do look similar. I must say though, some...fuck. i can't think anymore. I'm just gonna leave on the note that bitches be crazy.

Kyle.

My friend Kyle. Let's just say the first time I met him he looked like a mixture between Justin Beiber and Zac Effron. I've known him for a little over a year now and there have been sometimes when I have questioned his manlihood. I think the best part came when he visited me when I was in North Carolina. My grandfather even thought he was gay xD.
A time came when Kyle had told me that his mother said she would give him $50 dollars if she could cut his hair like Edward's from Twilight. He looked like him. And still does.

So now, every time I draw him, I'm going to especially make him look like a glittery fool!

More Random Pictures

So today has been pretty uneventful. Nothing is really happening and everyone is busy. So being who I usually am, I decided it was picture time.

I have really baggy eyes...