New Friends

To put things lightly. I'm bored out of my mind and need friends. How do normal people make friends? They chat and have a nice greeting and conversation. How do I make friends? I stare at you for god knows how long and finally get the courage to say hi and introduce myself. I then feel stupid and give up. HOW DO I CHANGE THIS NONSENSE?!

I don't know, but someday my awkwardness will make me suffer if I can't find a way to make people love me.

I have started college up where I live now, and it's a bit easier; nevertheless, I still can't talk right to people. I don't know if it's me, though i'm 70% sure it is, or if they are as awkward as I am.

Any suggestion!?

Traffic

Greeting's. I know it's been a while but things on this end have been kinda hectic. So here I am, writing you another post. And it's about traffic. We all know traffic sucks balls, especially when you seem to be stuck in it, for what seems like hours; nonetheless, we all have our moments when it comes to driving in it. Personally, I hate it to the very core of my being. Some days I get so angry I wish my car was a bumper car and hit the person in front of me.  
   
It sometimes startles me how angry I become. Traffic is just one of those things that I can't handle. And the worst part is, is that I go to school in Hollywood. Fucking Hollywood of all places. Not that it's bad or anything. I just have to drive a 1 and a half to 2 hour drive. Which is during the rush hour times. I leave my house at 7, arrive at 9, start class at 10, and leave at 5. The morning drive can be pretty ok until I hit Hollywood. I spend a half hour stuck behind people who don't go very fast up a small incline. 
I remember a time when I had just gotten to the I-10 and I saw one of those electronic signs stating that it would be 15 minutes to my exit. I was pretty happy, I'd get to be home sooner. But no. I was stuck in that traffic for 2 hours. 2 freaking hours. I was pissed beyond all belief. I nearly cried because I was so hungry and tired. There was no accidents, no fires, nothing that would have made it so bad that it caused to take so long. The worst part was getting to my exit. We were barely moving at all and no one wanted to let someone else in front of them. When I finally did exit, the freeway I got on to was nearly empty. I lost my shit. If anyone got in front of me and go slower, I would flash my brights at them in rage, screaming in the car.  
           
I have very bad anger problems when I drive. I don't act crazy and swerve by people or anything like that. just mostly yell to let out the angry, vicious beast that lies within.

Lately

I've been trying to be on a vegetarian diet for about a month and it hasn't been going that well. Finding alternatives for meat in my house is like searching for Narnia sometimes. Considering that when we have peanut butter, eggs and milk in my home, they tend to get consumed quickly. Now since protein is very essential for a person, my body starting feeling sluggish and weak. I have tried time and time again to eat lately and its been kinda hard. Considering my lack of protein, my stomach is having a hard time digesting. So pretty much the easiest thing for me to consume is anything liquid at the moment. Don't get me wrong, I try to eat solid foods, its just a bit hard because it makes my stomach hurt and I want to stop eating. I do have to say that I have lost some weight. Even though I wish I would have lost it in a healthier way. At my heaviest, I was 180 pounds. I am somewhat proud to say that I have dropped between 167-170. It's actually kinda noticeable because its mostly been in my waist and my face.

If you're reading this and thinking, "Man, why does she keep doing on and on about this?" Just remember, you're the one who's reading it. No one is forcing you.

More bitching time. I've noticed lately that whenever I say something that's on my mind, Some people like to get pissy and mad at me for either stating the truth or whatever was on my mind. And it's getting annoying. If you're gonna be pissed at me for saying that something happened, why don't you just suck it up and accept it, instead of making me look like the bad guy? I mean really? What are you? A child? Lots of question marks wooooooo~~

Eh now I'm just typing just to type, I'm bored and it's 12:11 A.M. I have nothing better to do and I haven't really written anything on here for a while. La lalalala. I'm excited for school. My financial aid finally went through and it's only a matter of time until I get my dorm and start in October. And the coolest part is that a family friend has a sister who is a professional makeup artist. So I may or may not learn some tools of the trade from her. Here is her web site Sarah Lucero. Well, thanks for reading :)

Stuck

Time to bitch again. I feel stuck. Like there is a giant pile of goo under and around my feet. There are so many things that I want to do but they feel so far away. The little voice in my head keeps telling me that I can't do anything. Keep wishing. And I keep believing it. I want to do stuff. Like school, photography, making clothes for myself, re-do my room. Ever since Andrew passed. Everything seems to be standing still. I feel like I can't talk to anyone or let anyone in my circle. I love my friends to death. But...I feel like I would be annoying talking about the same thing over and over again. So I bottle it up and put on a happy face. I want to tell my friend's how I feel but I start to choke and tears well up. And I just can't say it. That voice tells me that I would start losing them too. And I'm scared. I feel so lonely and broken by Andrew's death that I can't even be myself anymore. I try. I try so hard to smile and be happy, but when I am alone, the bad feelings come back and start tearing me to shreds again. I feel pathetic just writing this. But it's the truth. I have issues. Big issues. I want help. To whoever is willing to help me.

Joe is back.

Today was the first day I saw Joe since he was deployed 6+ months. It's nice having him back. The stories, the parties. I worry about him sometimes though.War is hard on a person already. I can't imagine what he is going through. I'm gonna be honest. I'm really drunk.My head hurts and I want to sleep.

More Sleep

As most of you know, I haven't been sleeping very much. Last night I asked my friend to help order some indica. And let me tell you, It hit me HARD. 

Needless to say it knocked my ass out until I woke up at 12:30 this afternoon. Hopefully if I take an even smaller dose tonight, I won't be passed out for 13 hours again.

Ranting

I have come to realize that I haven't been bitching as much as I should on this blog. Considering it's called "Pipa's Rants" I should start ranting some more. Ok. I'll bitch about something.

My friend Taco does this thing called the "special lover" He uses the "R" word but I'm not putting that up on here. He does it in order to piss me off and it does. There are times when I just want to bite him so hard he bleeds. And I don't know why it bugs me. It just does. The rage starts to fill up and I resist the urge to kick him down and maul him.